dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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