Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
