I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
