Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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