Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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