i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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