Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
