how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
