a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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