i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize