Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
