how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I smell stomach acid.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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