Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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