i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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