Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
