You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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