**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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