i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A+ Viking dick
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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