I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
