That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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