Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
