New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
