omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Actions speak louder than pants.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
