and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
bring money and cleavage
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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