Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Randomize
