Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
