I just cut my nipple shaving
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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