I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
