yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
