May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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