Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
