Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
