I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
