my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sext me about skeletons
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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