Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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