My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
