The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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