I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
