Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

do herpes really smell.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,

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(818): View more from California

I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.

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(214): View more from Texas

Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that

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(513): View more from Ohio

i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.

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(310): View more from California

It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?

(778): View more from British Columbia

haha no, it was majik

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