she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
