It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
