Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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