he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
