You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And my parents said I crawled through the house
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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