The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
