yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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