The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
