some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need water and some morals
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
