You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
