I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize