My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
