I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
even my farts smell like vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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