You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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