You're my little dorito
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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