I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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