You really coming over, don't trick.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
