It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
