I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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