At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
