i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
