I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
