Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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