what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
