I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
