dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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