sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
