I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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