I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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