He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
