Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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