He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize