So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize